So we have almost made it through our year of firsts. It is weird to have a family picture without her in it, and yet we could not think of a good way to make her a part of it. Christmas time is hard, but so was her birthday, Thanksgiving, and everything. We'll make it through fine, and it is comforting to feel the tears come, it would be strange if they never did. I do all the shopping in our family, as many other wives do, and it is strange to see all the girl stuff and not have a reason to look through it. I still have to remind myself that I have no reason to search for girl jammies or baby dolls or craft stuff.
We are so grateful to all of you that remembered Carmen's birthday. You guys are amazing. My boys are doing so well, and part of that is because of the love they feel from everyone around them.
Timothy, my youngest shows the most feeling at losing his sister. When she had just recently passed away he would ask us almost every day when she was going to be resurrected, expecting to see her in her perfect body any day. He even prayed and asked Heavenly Father to resurrect her soon. Jesus came back and showed himself, so why not Carmen? He doesn't ask that anymore. Sad. He does love looking at our picture book of her and doesn't understand why his friends don't enjoy looking at pictures of his sister. He loves showing her off. One day a couple months ago a little boy came up to him, just playing, and said, "I'm going to kill you", and Timothy punched him. When I asked him why, Timothy told me he thought the boy was really going to kill him. He takes death very seriously. He also tells me from time to time, "mommy I won't die because you can't handle another kid dying". He is very sweet.
We are overall doing fine, we miss our girl, but we love our life. Thank you to all of you who talk to us about her. We don't like pretending she never existed.