So we have almost made it through our year of firsts. It is weird to have a family picture without her in it, and yet we could not think of a good way to make her a part of it. Christmas time is hard, but so was her birthday, Thanksgiving, and everything. We'll make it through fine, and it is comforting to feel the tears come, it would be strange if they never did. I do all the shopping in our family, as many other wives do, and it is strange to see all the girl stuff and not have a reason to look through it. I still have to remind myself that I have no reason to search for girl jammies or baby dolls or craft stuff.We are so grateful to all of you that remembered Carmen's birthday. You guys are amazing. My boys are doing so well, and part of that is because of the love they feel from everyone around them.
Timothy, my youngest shows the most feeling at losing his sister. When she had just recently passed away he would ask us almost every day when she was going to be resurrected, expecting to see her in her perfect body any day. He even prayed and asked Heavenly Father to resurrect her soon. Jesus came back and showed himself, so why not Carmen? He doesn't ask that anymore. Sad. He does love looking at our picture book of her and doesn't understand why his friends don't enjoy looking at pictures of his sister. He loves showing her off. One day a couple months ago a little boy came up to him, just playing, and said, "I'm going to kill you", and Timothy punched him. When I asked him why, Timothy told me he thought the boy was really going to kill him. He takes death very seriously. He also tells me from time to time, "mommy I won't die because you can't handle another kid dying". He is very sweet.
We are overall doing fine, we miss our girl, but we love our life. Thank you to all of you who talk to us about her. We don't like pretending she never existed.
6 comments:
Merry Christmas to you ALL!.Thank you for the example you are to us. Carmen is a special daughter of God and your family is special as well! That's why you were blessed to have her in your family!
It has been so long since our days in Hayward. I still remember when our little girls were born. Karsyn had hardly any hair and Carmen had a full head. She was such a beautiful baby and I know she brought so much joy into your lives. We miss you all and hope that your Christmas is filled with hope and wonderful holiday surprises!
Dorothy, I saw your mom last Sunday (it had been awhile) and mentioned how I still check to see if you posted anything new. I still think of you everyday which I'm sure seems strange since I haven't seen you since the funeral-it is ALL of you and your amazing strength and examples that have been such a positive influence in our lives. We still include your family(Carmen too) in our prayers. I'll have to bring by the picture we stumbled upon of Carmen sitting so quietly in a high chair at Sierra's bday party- content and serene. Love and Peace to each of you....
I have been thinking about you guys a lot over the holidays and thinking how hard all those firsts must be. You guys are such a wonderful family and we hope we will have a reason to get together one of these days. We hope you had a blessed Christmas.
I knew I had to prepare myself to read your latest post because, as you know, Carmen and your family open my emotional flood gates . . . didn't do too well, I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes for the sadness & pain but also a smile on my face because you guys are so amazing (and Timmy's thoughts are SO precious!) You know, not a day goes by without a thought of Carmen running through my mind - I wear my "Carmen bracelet" 24/7! Jessee and I have conversations that include Carmen all the time ~ she will ALWAYS be part of our lives. Santa brought Jessee her American Girl Just Like Me doll (Carmen's hair and eye color) - she loves the doll but reminded me she "can't" name the doll Carmen because she named one of her other dolls Carmen months ago (& "moms" wouldn't give the same name to 2 of their children). The next time I see Timmy, I'll let him know that I would LOVE to sit and look at the picture books with him ANY TIME.
Your children are wonderful! They are lucky to have such wonderful parents. I think about you guys a lot, and I did especially at Christmas. I hope you know how much we love you!
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